Oh dear! We missed August.

Tragic when one forgets a whole month, isn't it? I did, however, have a good excuse: work.

Life's been busy here in my neck of the woods but all-in-all things are going well. August brought with it the standard-issue chaos of orientation and the start of the school year. In addition, the Cap'n and I worked feverishly on our "remodel" during which we re-vamped (read: got rid of all the old college furniture) our spare room/office. It looks just dandy now and we've moved on to our bedroom. We've got new end stands and a big-kid dresser! Next, is a face lift for the bed and bath. Bit by bit we'll get it all done and I can't wait! Our goal (well, my goal, but he's pretty easy-going...so his goal, too) is to have the whole house done by the end of the calendar year. I'll post pictures when we've completed the whole project. Or, you can visit my Facebook site to get a sneak-peak at the spare room.

It has been fun to purge the old stuff and subsequently pick things that are truly "ours" both in style and ownership. It has also been cathartic to clean out so much of the stuff we've amassed over the last 11 years that we neither need nor want (no offense mom, those window clings from 1999 were FAB at the time, I just don't think Pooh Bear sliding on a snowflake says "We're adults without kids").


So: we purged, and purged, and purged...and are even still purging. I swear, I'm not a pack rat. And yet still, I have spent hours sorting through stacks of cards, notes, pictures, movie stubs, binders of notes from not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 degrees, stuffed animals, costumes, scrap book supplies, decorations, and (for reasons unknown to me) an entire box of beige and cream tap-top curtains.

Now that we've purged, however, I've run into a bit of a dilemma as to where to keep the things that "don't go" in the house. For any Friends fans out there, you'll relate to the fact that the closet in which all-of-the-above resided was very similar to Monica's closet in which she put all the things that didn't "go" or couldn't be organized into another place in her apartment. The Cap'n used to refer to this closet as "purgatory" a place were things would go to live for a while before we'd either throw them out or find a place to keep them permanently.

And, over time we not-so-lovingly dubbed this closet the "high emotion closet". Why? Well, because venturing into the closet for even the most simple of tasks (e.g., getting a greeting card) would inevitably result in needing to nearly unpack the whole damn thing just to get to what ever it was you were there for in the first place. Over time I eventually began to avoid the closet. I even refused to decorate for Christmas the last 2 years because it would require unpacking and re-packing the closet. Ridiculous? I think so!

The problem with making the high-emotion closet a more pleasant place to be is that I have now lost my fall back spot to shove stuff that I don't know what to do with. For example: the Cap'n's trophy from the annual high-school-friends golf tournament. Where the hell does that live now? I'm tempted to put it in a neatly labeled box that reads: Trophies. But, more fittingly it should really just read "trophy" as that is our only one. My best solution? "Take it to the office!"

Happy reading!

~Phoenix

Maybe she's born with it...'cause it sure as hell wasn't Maybelline

Do I look thinner to you? Lighter? Maybe like I'm missing some extra tissue? Not so much here, or here, but maybe, down here?

...No? Really? Well that figures, I suppose you'd have to look a bit too closely for both of our comfort to see that I am now the proud owner a of a uterus with a single cavity.

Confused? Yeah, so was I. So were most people. Let's just say I was born with it.

After a year and a half of active trying to conceive a child (only to realize that perhaps we were rushing that process and we may not even really want children of our own) I was diagnosed (after seeing 7 different medical specialists not to mention trying any number of crazy or outlandish tricks, methods, suggestions, prescriptions, etc. (see my post from June for more details)...I digress...I was diagnosed with having a uterine septum. Wha? Erm, WTF is a uterine septum, one might ask. You know the piece of cartilage that separates your nostrils. THAT is a septum. Crazy, right? Yeah, me and only about 2% of the female population have one. Lucky me. So, the septum in my uterus was not made of cartilage, but rather extra tissue that never dissolved as it was supposed to in my 20th week of gestation. Yep, you read that right folks. MY 20th week of gestation. Meaning: I was born with it. For shits and giggles, I've been blaming my mom for this one. That makes her feel groovy!

So, what does one do with a septate uterus? Use the extra half for storage? Keep on trying and hope for twins (one to a side?). No, no, surely not no. One has two choices. Neither are to continue trying to have a baby and hope for the best (well, I guess that is a choice, but from the information I got (specific to my septum) that was not a wise choice. The two choices are to 1. Have it removed or 2. Don't have it removed. Option 2. sucks, BTW because it means I continue to have the symptoms and other problems I've been having...for example 20-28 day periods (yes, you read that right too, not 20-28 CYCLES. Nope. That'd be "normal". My bleeding lasted for 20-28 days. Yum! So, we opted to have the sucker removed. That's what I did yesterday.

My very own personal nurse (AKA: My older sister, Teed) arrived late Thursday night ready to help and support my uterine resection (that actually is the technical term). For funny, she brought me these: HA! We woke early and arrived to the hospital a bit after 6:30am. I got checked in and set up in my pre-op bed. I was asked my name, date of birth, and reason for my visit roughly 8,942 times. And, right around 9:15am they wheeled me off to surgery. On my way, I was narrowly run-in-to by a large cart carrying a load of empty boxes (ah, for comic relief). The kind, adorable, and totally "Portland" anesthesiologist mixed me a lovely little cocktail and I was off to the land of Zzzzz's. In they went, out it came, and next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. That was probably the worst part, I started to come-to and loathed having that oxygen mask on my face but as I tried to regain enough consciousness to removed the mask myself the cramps and pain set in. Opting for groggy over in-pain. I dosed for a moment until a nurse arrived to offer me some IV meds. YAY for IV meds! That took care of the pain and before I knew it I was in my own clothes and being wheeled to my partner (AKA: Cap'n Handsome)'s car.

We arrived home and I got a heating pad on my belly, a bagel and some thai food in my belly (YAY for a reason to eat all the carbs I want) and then took a nap. As the day progressed on, I felt better and better. Sadly, my troops (Teed and the Cap'n) were fading fast, as they didn't have the luxury of a medical induced coma as a mid-morning nap. Pity, isn't it? So, we shuffled off to bed early and I woke up a bit early to do some little chores (re-arranging the pictures and cards on the fridge counts as a chore, right?) (and so does blogging?) and I'm excited for a day of visiting with my favorite sister (no offense to my 5 sisters-in-law, but she gets that title, she's earned).

In a few days I'll return to my gentle and quiet surgeon to have the balloon that is currently occupying my uterine cavity (to prevent the walls from sticking to one another as they heal) removed and in a few months I'll have a follow up ultra-sound to make sure they've removed all of the septum and that I have a healthy amount of cells in my ovaries. After that, we've decided to wait on the kid-factory. I need at least a year to recover, mentally, from this whole ordeal. I've been in and out of doctor's offices for the last 2 years. I've gone through (or rather, put myself through) a lot of tumalt and strife about the whole "baby having" issue and before we consider trying again, I really need some "I feel healthy, I'm not crazy, Life can be normal" time. So, that's exactly what I'm going to have.

So, my truthful and not flippant answer to anyone who asks if "we have kids" "plan to have kids" "are trying" "have thought about having kids" or "thinks we're ready to have kids" is...talk to me on my 30th birthday. October 1, 2010 is when I'll be ready to talk about that with someone other than my partner. No offense, no snarky-ness, no issue. Just, ask me in October 2010, K? Until then, you can find me enjoying life with my partner, working in my chosen profession, soaking up time with my family and friends, relishing in the birthing and growing up of my nieces and nephews (all of them, blood related or not).

So, there you go. That's what I've been up to these days. Right now, I'm enjoying the fact that the sun if pouring through the kitchen windows (highlighting my lovely refrigerator arranging work) and that I can hear the water fountain outside. I'm looking forward to spending time with my sister today and can't wait for what the next year will bring for me and the Cap'n. Hopefully, it will be a year full of nothing. No houses, no babies, no pillows propped under my hips after sex, no disgusting Chinese herbal teas, no abstaining from drinking alcohol, no self-doubt, no timing sex, obsessive temperature monitoring, no discussions about cervical mucus.
Just a regular old year. Ahhhhhhh! Can't wait.

My Year In Maybe's

This month's blog: a stream of thoughts, maybes, what ifs, if onlys, etc. from my last year. It is my first attempt at a "slam poetry" type thing.

Happy reading!
~Phoenix

Maybe I should...
Gain weight? Loose weight? Exercise more? Exercise less? Drink this weird-disgusting-nasty herbal tea? Drink less alcohol? Drink less caffeine? Drink more water? Drink from only a straw? Eat more carbs? Eat less carbs? Eat different carbs? Forget about carbs all together? Have more sex? Have less sex? Wrap my legs around my head...After sex? Before sex? During sex? Relax? Chill out? De-stress? Do more yoga? Stand on my head? See a Dr.? See a different Dr.? See a naturapath? See an acupuncturist? See a surgeon? See a therapist? See a chiropractor? See a specialist? Stop seeing Doctors all together? Go back on the pill? Take this other pill? Take this handful of pills? Stop taking pills all together? Eat red meat? Go vegan? Stop eating soy? Add fats? Go totally organic? Chew only on the right side of my mouth? Adopt? Have dogs? Move to Bermuda? Seek a surrogate? Work more? Take my temperature at a different time? Check my mucus again? Stop checking my mucus? Throw away the Basal thermometer? Pee on another stick?

What if...
I'm really sick? It really IS all in my head? This never goes away? He leaves me? She calls to tell me shes pregnant? I always have to work the late shift? I caused this? I could change this? I am controlling this? I'm not meant to have kids? I'm supposed to be a career woman? I'm destined for something else? I have cancer? A tumor? A virus? An infection? An unformed twin? We bought stock in Kotex?

If only...
Someone would really listen to me! People would stop asking if I had kids! I could get-a-job-to-get-insurance-to-figure-out-whats-wrong-and-fix-what's-wrong
-to-get-pregnant-to-leave-the-job-to-raise-a-family! If we had socialized health care! Strangers would stop telling me about the way THEY got pregnant! Others would stop telling us that "we're ready" for kids! I could just stop thinking about this! I could feel normal for one month! I'd been a more informed teenager! My sister lived on this coast! I had a different schema for the age you are "supposed" to be to have kids! We'd of known how hard it was to get pregnant...we'd of had more sex in college!

You have GOT to be kidding?!

Here's a quick list of pairings from my life that I think are funny, ironic, interesting, etc. ...

1. Zit cream and under eye cream
2. Resentment and gratitude
3. Tears and laughter
4. Beer and ice cream
5. 10 hour work days and health insurance premium payments
6. A uterus and... WTF another uterus?!
7. Prenatal vitamins and wine
8. Liberal arts education and office work
9. Exhaustion and sleeplessness
10. Hummus and pretzels

Hope you are able to enjoy some sun today!

~Phoenix

April needs a blog!

Hi friends. Let me start with an apology for my wholly rotten mood in the month of March. YOW-ZA! Was I crabby or what? I appreciate the opportunity rant and carry on like I did.

So, April needs a blog, yes? Let's see, about what should I write? I tried this exercise with my students last year and it was pretty cool. Let's see how you like it? In the headlines of my life here's what is new:

"Blatant Disregard for Travel Warnings and Recession: Couple Scheduled to Celebrate 5th Wedding Anniversary in Mexico"

"New Niece Born, Family Totals Tip Scales at 14 Nieces and Nephews"

"Baby Boom! Little Girls Popping Up and Out of Friends Near and Far"

"Planned Trip to Montana for Education, Relaxation, and Time with a Dear Friend"

"Partner Assigned to Steady Job, Bored but Thankful"

"Burning the Candle At Both Ends: A Woman's Guide to Working Three Part-Time Jobs" (with advertising sponsored by Subaru)

"Reclaiming the Middle Ground: An Exercise in Reestablishing Habits of Wellness"

"Hope On the Horizon, New Professional Continues to Weasel Her Way into a Job at Alma Matter"

"Snore, Scribble, Score! Couple Attends Home-Buying Class to Prepare for the Purchase of Their First Home"

"Case-Studies Come to Life: Real-Life Scenarios Challenge New Professional's Skills"

"High-Strung People Have Babies All the Time: An Exploration into How One Woman Needs More than to Simply Relax" this will follow up story of "Who-whos, Va-j-j's, and Nether-Regions, Oh My! One Woman's Journey Though Fertility Testing"



Yep, I'd say that pretty much sums it up for now. Here's to hoping you are well and reading this from a warm and sunny place.

Happy Reading!
~Phoenix

Irksome

Before I get started with today's post (a list of things that irritate me) I wanted to take this moment to thank my readers for allowing me this space to vent and rant like a raving loon. I find that having a place like this where I can express myself and my occasional (alright, frequent) peevs makes me a much more pleasant person in the rest of life. So, thanks. Thank you for reading and allowing me a safe space to carry on, and on, and on.

With that said...here is today's list of things that piss me off(CAUTION! MANY exclamation points ahead).

1) The coworker who responds to my report of having been sick with a guarded, self-centered, and wholly unfriendly response of "Well don't give it to me, I've got too much to do to get sick!" Let's make it clear that I DID stay home on the day I felt the worst and was likely the most contagious. Let's also make it clear that SHE asked ME how I was doing! NOTE TO YOURSELVES PEOPLE: If you give a rats ass about how someone else is doing, your response to their situation should never be how YOU feel!!!

2) The same coworker who likes to wield power a bit too much and likes having things to piss and moan about even more. For those of you reading this who have an office with actual WALLS (and I mean the kind of walls that go all the way to the ceiling) be thankful! Did I mention that her back hurts, and she has a headache, and that she's tired, and that the smell of my lunch is making her hungry? Aren't you glad she works in the educational system?

3) People (and by people I mean society) who assume that once one makes a certain amount of money that one is financially "fine" or "set". By "fine" and "set" I mean debt free and totally without financial cares. LETS KEEP IN MIND - in order to get ourselves to this place where we make ANY money (and of course, you know I am talking about my partner here, and not me...keep in mind that I went to graduate school and promptly entered the WORST job market since 1942) we had to take out loans (enough loans, I might add, that we pay the amount of a healthy mortgage payment every month ONLY to cover our debts).

4) The fact that being smart and savvy is, based on my experience, apparently a bad thing. No one told me that meek and soft-spoken were mod! I CAN NOT, nay, WILL NOT act like a shell of myself for the sake of others' egos. People (and by people I mean anyone who has LET (yes, I said let, it IS a choice) themselves be overwhelmed, intimidated, or threatened by smart or outspoken people) need grow a pair (or borrow mine) and get the hell over themselves! Someone who is smarter or sharper than you should challenge you to be a better person or at the VERY least challenge you to grow a bit by learning how to interact with some one different than yourself!

5) Vaginal bleeding. That's right. Vaginal bleeding. The seemingly never-ending, constant, gross, must-be-an-indication-that-something-is-wrong-but-no-one-can-find-anything-wrong, vaginal bleeding. My simple rant with this is this: WTF?

And that's my list. I feel much better. Thanks.

~Phoenix

I couldn't help myself!

This morning's post got me on a roll. Per my disclaimer earlier, if my sense of humor and cynicism aren't your style, I won't be offended. Kindly just don't read this post and wait for my next one. I promise to be in a better mood, soon.

In the mean time, for anyone who has ever gone through the grueling process of a year-long job search, please find the cover letter I WISH I could send below.

Thanks for letting me ramble and rant today. I feel much better and am excited for a fun and restful weekend.

Happy Reading

~Phoenix



OVERLY LARGE TYPE FONT NAME HERE
Mailing address here, even though you’ll never send me anything based on this address
Phone number and email here, even though you’ll still get it wrong and use the one from the on-line application to contact me


February 20, 2009

Employers name here
Employers address here (even though I am submitting this electronically so this should actually read something like: Computer on the desk of the assistant to highest-ranking person on the hiring committee)

Dear People Who Intend To Judge Me:

Please accept this letter and my resume as my official application for the job for which you are hiring. I learned about this position opening in one of two ways: either one of my colleagues sent me a posting or I found the posting listed on line at your institution’s website. If the former, when I received the email I felt a little twang of embarrassment that I’m still the friend and colleague who needs help finding a job. If the latter, when I found this job posted I likely felt simultaneously elated by the idea doing the job and overwhelmed by the idea of applying for it. Also, if the latter, send a note of thanks to your human resources department for making it almost impossible to find job postings on the web. That’s a real help when you are desperate to find work.

I will now demonstrate that, by this point in the cover letter, you are no longer actually reading the letter but rather simply skimming it. I will demonstrate this by typing for the remainder of this line using only the home row. Ready? Here goes. Asdfjk;asdfjkl;asdfjkl
That was fun, wasn’t it? It reminded me of a glissando on the piano. Don’t know what a glissando is? That is really too bad, isn’t it? Did you like how I made reference to the home row, too? That shows I have the basic computer skills of a potato. Don’t know what the home row is? Again, too bad. Hey, instead of judging me and round-filing this letter, why not be the bigger person and go look up home row and glissando? I’ll bet you’ll thank me later. Just think of how impressed they’ll be at the next administrative luncheon when you mention one or both of those in casual conversation?!

Oh, and by the way, I know I’m not supposed to use contractions in a formal letter like this, but I just can’t help m’self. It is just too much fun! Get over it.

So, about my qualifications: I have some. I started my journey in this field almost 10 years ago, but by your requirements, I have just over 1 year of experience. That’s a kick in the pants, isn’t it? Regardless of if you consider it qualification or not, here’s what I’ve done: student activities, orientation, career services, programming, advising, disability services, assessment, teaching, admissions, and leadership development. In addition to all that, I worked for a number of years outside the academy when I was putting my partner (notice my inclusive language) through law school. While you may see work outside of the academy as futile and plebian, I consider it some of my better professional development and I pride myself on being able to have meaningful, down-to-earth conversations with people outside of the educational community.

As you’ll note in my resume, I’m really well educated. I went to private school (don’t be fooled, I’m not rich and neither are my parents – I got scholarships and talent awards and I worked and am currently working my tail off to pay for school). I majored in psychology because it sounded good and I like the professors. When I wasn’t in class, I was singing or being involved as s student leader. My experience as a student leader helps me relate to the students with whom I work and helps me remember why the work I do is important. I also went to graduate school. While there, I proved I was competent in 9 areas that I am sure will translate into me being a useful and productive employee. Sorry, none of them was grant writing. No, I’m not bilingual. No, I don’t know how to program a computer. I’M GOOD WITH PEOPLE DAMIT! (Any fans of the movie “Office Space” will get that joke).

I am called to be an educator as a means to forward my equality-for-all-social-justice agenda. I’m invigorated by working with bright-eyed, idealistic, full-of-hope young adults. If and when someone does offer me a job, I am confident I’ll kick ass at it! My philosophy when working with students is to be genuine, transparent, and authentic. I don’t believe in sugar-coating things or in seeing the cup as either half-full or half-empty. In my opinion, the cup is a cup with liquid in it. What I am really interested in is if there is a coaster underneath it and about the person drinking it. And really, who really has the time to sit around contemplating cups with liquid when there is a world injustice to overcome and great television to watch. I’m reliable. I don’t do anything dispassionately. I’m a little crazy, but certainly you already know that from reading this letter. Oh wait, that’s right. You aren’t actually reading this letter. That’s how I can get away with all of this mumbo-jumbo.

Please contact me at your earliest convenience so we can meet. I’m well aware that your earliest convenience will be sometime in the next three to six months. No rush, I’ll just wait. I’m actually getting younger and wealthier waiting for you and the hiring process. When we meet, I will talk about my skills and qualifications. You’ll judge my outfit, choice of words, and whether or not I’m a “fit” for your campus. It’ll be a gas!

Very Truly Yours,

Phoenix